


Where Do I Go From Here?

by archiveofourscone



Series: Beast Island [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: And learns about herself, But they're handled well, Catra stays on Beast Island, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, It's just very hard for Catra, Panic Attacks, Post Season Theory, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-23 21:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18709999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archiveofourscone/pseuds/archiveofourscone
Summary: After Adora, Scorpia, and the Beast Friends Squad + Sea Hawk leave Beast Island, Catra has to learn what it means to no longer be a part of the Horde, what it means to be a Magicat, and what it's like to have people who are there for her.





	Where Do I Go From Here?

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, y'all, this isn't nearly as long as the first part, but this came out a lot quicker than I expected. Enjoy some bonding between Catra and Felix, some bonding between Catra and C'yra, and a fair amount of angst.
> 
> Just remember, y'all asked for this.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> P.S.~All lines from taken from the show are brought to you watching Shadow Weaver be a dick over and over again until I found the perfect lines.

Catra decides to stay on Beast Island, but after leaving the beach with C’yra and Felix, she still takes a few days hiding around the island. She doesn’t know why she feels like she needs it.

Maybe it’s because her friends just left, and she feels a bit lonely without Scorpia by her side.

Maybe it’s because she realized her feelings for Adora just for Adora to go back to the Rebellion.

Maybe it’s because being a princess scares her, and she would rather hide than face the reality of it.

Maybe it’s a mix of the three.

When she finally decides that it’s been enough time, she starts with Felix, and she knows exactly where to find him.

It’s fairly early and Catra is surprised she’s even awake, but unsurprisingly, she finds Felix in the library, a bowl of cut-up fruit sitting beside whatever book he’s decided to read today. He munches on his breakfast absentmindedly, more focused on the words in front of him.

As Catra moves closer to his table, she sees his ears twitch before he looks up at her, a slow smile pulling at his lips.

“Well, if it isn’t the explorer back from her travels,” he jokes, scooting on the bench to give Catra plenty of room, “Welcome back to the joys of the library.”

Catra sits beside him, making sure to keep enough space to feel comfortable, “Are you always here?”

“Not always,” Felix offers her the bowl of fruit, “Sometimes I’m needed as king, but for the most part, C’yra handles all of that, so I get to spend my time as I like.”

“With books.” Catra takes a piece and bites into it, and it’s something she doesn’t know the name for, but she likes it. It’s sweet and pleasantly sour, and she takes another piece.

“Yes, with books,” Felix says, laughing a bit, “I think we’ve established that I really like books.”

“Why?”

Felix looks at her, his brows pulled together in confusion, “Why do I like books?”

Catra nods, biting into yet another piece of fruit.

“Well, I don’t know,” he looks out over the library, watching other scholars and Magicats walk through the aisles, “I guess I have just always loved learning, and with books, you always are. You could read a book a hundred times, and you’ll pick up things you missed every time.”

“We never really had books in the Horde,” Catra says, picking up one of the books Felix has on the table. She flips through a few pages, reading through some lines of a play written over a hundred years ago. “Sure, we had textbooks and manuals about war strategy and the history of the Horde’s victories, but never anything like this.”

“If you’d like, I could pick out some books I think you’d like,” Felix offers.

Catra thinks over it and realizes that she’s a bit interested to see what Felix would pick for her.

“Sure,” she says, and Felix springs from his seat, running off into the stacks.

Catra just munches on the fruit, wondering if the crash that happens a few moments later is Felix. When she hears a, “Sorry, Lysander,” and a rambled apology that sounds like Felix, she starts laughing quietly.

Felix comes back with a small mountain of books, and they thud against the table when he sets them down.

“Now, I think this one might be the most interesting for you.” He hands Catra the book at the top of the pile, and the title reads, “Great Painters of the Katrinian Era." When Catra opens it, there aren’t a lot of words; the pages are filled with pictures and portraits, with only short descriptions in the corner.

“Um,” Catra flips another page and there still really aren’t any words, “Why is this just pictures?”

Felix sits down, and Catra notices that he sits closer to her than he ever has before.

“Because this is a book of artwork,” he explains, “All of these artists were very famous during the rule of Queen Katrina, and they compiled a book of their paintings and drawings for art students who wish to study the era.” He flips a page and points to a name written just underneath the portrait, “This is by Nyx of Eastcastle. He was the main painter for the crown.”

Catra reads the title of the work, “Queen Katrina in Armor,” and runs her finger over the picture. Katrina reminds her a bit of C’yra. She stands tall and proud, her deep glowing eyes staring determined, and her armor looking like a second skin.

“How come history never mentions any kings?” Catra asks.

“Oh,” Felix smiles, “For Magicats, the queen holds the title to the throne. That’s why C’yra gets stuck talking to advisors and doing the real work, and I get to spend my time here.”

Catra only nods and starts flipping through the book some more. Felix gives her space and goes back to his own books, only making a joking comment about needing to get more fruit when he realizes the bowl is almost empty before they sit in comfortable silence. She flips through the book of artwork for a bit, then she grabs the next book on the stack.

It’s a history book about the greatest Magicat warriors of all time. Catra really only opens it to humor Felix, but she finds herself drawn into the descriptions about great battles won and unbelievable fights. She’s so engrossed that she doesn’t even notice Felix look up from his own reading and watch her with a warm smile, his tail swaying just so and the tip twitching.

She also doesn’t notice C’yra sit down across from her at the table.

“I see you’ve brainwashed her,” C’yra says playfully.

“You call it brainwashing. I call it broadening her horizons,” Felix says, closing his book around his notebook.

Catra still hasn’t pulled her attention away from the tales of the great warrior Freya of Blackburn and her victories over the invaders trying to take Half Moon, so C’yra pokes her forehead to get her attention.

“Hey!”

C’yra smirks at her, “I see that Felix has worked his usual magic and found the perfect book for you.”

“He failed on his first attempt, actually.” Catra shows C’yra the book of artwork, “This was his first try.”

“She spends her days in here drawing,” Felix says, glaring at C’yra as she laughs, “It was the best choice based on the facts given.”

“And let’s see what actually kept your attention,” C’yra says, pulling the book from in front of Catra to read the cover. Her eyes sparkle a bit as she asks, “Have you gotten to the stories about Tommen the Conqueror yet?”

“What?” Catra pulls the book back in front of her, “There’s a story about a conqueror in here? What did he conquer?”

Felix laughs, “If you keep reading, you’ll find out.”

So, Catra goes back to reading, first finishing the stories about Freya before moving on, drowning out the quiet conversation between Felix and C’yra right beside her.

They spend the rest of the day in the library together, C’yra only leaving for a bit to get the paperwork she needs to finish, and Catra finds herself feeling more comfortable than she has in a long time.

~*~

_“Useless,” Shadow Weaver says as she grabs Catra by the collar of her cadet uniform, “I should just get rid of you myself.”_

_She starts pulling Catra down a hallway, and Catra already knows where they’re going. She starts to resist Shadow Weaver’s grip, but she’s not strong enough._

_“Please, no,” Catra starts to beg, “Please, I’ll be better.”_

_Catra hears the sound of the isolation chamber’s door opening, and then Shadow Weaver throws Catra into that deep, endless darkness, closing the door without another word._

Catra shoots up in bed, her blanket twisted around her legs and her breaths sporadic. 

It’s like she can still feel the isolation chamber around her, the complete absence of sound and the darkness that creeps into every fiber of her being.

Her sporadic breaths start to grow shorter and shorter, and Catra feels like she can’t breathe. It feels like the walls of her bedroom are closing in around her, and Catra needs to get out.

She claws her blankets to shreds to untangle her legs and she trips as she rushes out of bed, stumbling into the door and her hand grasping desperately at the knob.

The open air of the hallway helps, but it’s not enough to make Catra feel less trapped, so she starts climbing.

She collapses on the last branch thick enough to hold her weight, her knees pulled up to her chest as she looks up at the sky, because if she can see the sky, there’s no way she’s in an isolation chamber.

She tries desperately to control her breathing, and her claws bite into her palm in an attempt to focus on something other than her nightmare. She keeps her eyes open to fight off the darkness and the pain reminds her that she isn’t there.

There’s rustling from below her, and it sounds like someone coming up to her. She curls even more into herself and hisses, readying herself for a fight.

“Hey,” C’yra easily pulls herself onto the branch right below her, and Catra is reminded of Adora doing the same just a couple weeks ago, “It’s just me.”

“What do you want?” Catra spits out, her voice angry, and she hopes it drives C’yra away.

“Felicity saw you come up into the tree and thought something was off.” Unlike Adora, C’yra stays on the branch below, giving Catra plenty of room. “So, she came and got me.”

“I’m fine, so just leave me alone.”

C’yra doesn’t leave; she lays out along the branch lazily, her tail flicking just so. “You know, I like to come up here too,” she says, “It’s nice up here.”

“It’s even nicer when I’m not bothered by you,” Catra responds, the bite in her tone less prevalent. She hears C’yra breathe out a laugh below her.

“Well, I don’t know what made you furiously climb up this tree in the middle of the night, but I figured you could use some company.”

Catra rests her chin on her knees and watches C’yra. The woman below her has her eyes closed, and her ears flick every time there’s a rustling or the distance call of some nocturnal creature. She looks so calm while Catra feels so frantic. 

“What were you doing up in the middle of the night?” Catra asks, her tail coming up to wrap around her body.

C’yra peeks an eye open, then closes it again. “For a queen of an almost destroyed race of people, I have a surprising amount of work,” C’yra jokes, “I didn’t realize just how late it was until Felicity burst into my office.”

“Don’t you want to go to sleep?”

“Making sure you’re okay is more important.”

The way C’yra says it seems so natural, and Catra wonders how this person she’s only known for a few weeks could care about her so easily and openly.

Shadow Weaver knew her since she was little and claimed to be her mother figure, but she never came to find Catra after a nightmare to offer comfort. Shadow Weaver never offered her any form of comfort. All Catra ever got were harsh words and hits, so she learned never to show weakness.

“Do you want to talk about it?” C’yra asks, her voice much softer than before. Catra looks down and notices golden eyes watching her.

“No.”

“Okay,” C’yra closes her eyes again, “If you ever want to, I’m right here.”

The two fall silent after that, and Catra falls asleep on that tree branch, waking up just a bit when she feels C’yra pick her up and start climbing down the tree.

Catra wakes up back in bed, a new blanket pulled up under her chin, and when she sees C’yra at breakfast, she doesn’t say anything about the night before. She just asks Catra what her plans for the day are.

~*~

Catra’s lunch is interrupted by Alonzo sitting across from her. He makes a lot of noise sitting down, his dishes thudding and clinking together, and Catra shoots him an annoyed glare while she closes her book.

“What do you want?”

“I asked you to teach me some new moves weeks ago, and you’ve yet to follow through.”

Catra puts on her usual show of disinterest. “I never said I would.”

“Come on, please?” Alonzo shoots her a look that she is sure works on just about everyone else, but Catra isn’t really fooled by a pout.

“I’m really not in the mood to beat your ass today.”

“Good. I’m not asking to spar. I’m asking you to teach me.”

“I’m not a teacher,” Catra takes her last bite and starts to get up to take her dishes back, “Maybe you should ask Victor.”

Alonzo sighs dramatically. “Victor only knows the how to fight like a Magicat,” he says, “I want to learn how to fight like you.”

Catra freezes for just a moment, the cutting, _“Then get kidnapped and raised by the Horde,”_ right on the tip of her tongue, but she holds it in and sits back down. 

“There’s nothing special about my fighting,” she tells him, “I was raised to fight as a soldier, not a warrior. That’s the only difference.”

“Please?” Alonzo tries again, her eyes seemingly growing to double their usual size as he turns his pout up to one hundred.

Catra lets him stew for just a moment, letting him think she’s going to say no again, before saying, “I guess I have nothing better to do today.”

Alonzo shouts an excited, “Yes!”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Finish your lunch and be quiet. I want to finish this chapter before we go.”

Alonzo mimed zipping his lips before digging in, and Catra doesn’t let him see the little smile that pulls at her lips.

~*~

Catra likes to spend her mornings out on the training grounds. She spends her time going through old Horde training routines, using a staff and slashing through the air with ease, and the familiarity helps her pretend like she isn't the Magicats' lost princess on an island surrounded by people who might hate her.

She thinks she’s alone until she raises one side of her staff up. It’s heavier than it should be, and one of the kittens is hanging off the end.

“Get off,” Catra says, shaking the staff.

It doesn’t work.

“Seriously, brat.” Catra shakes the staff harder, but the kitten holds on tighter. “Don’t you have a class you’re supposed to be at?”

“It’s boring,” the kitten responds, letting go of the staff and landing gracefully back down on the grass.

“So, you decided to come over here and bother me?”

The kitten shrugs, “Seemed more interesting than listening to Master Leon talk about his victories _again_.” She falls back onto the grass dramatically.

Catra looks up at the class the kitten must’ve escaped from. One of the older warriors seems to be mid-story, and all of the other kittens were either asleep, talking quietly amongst themselves, or focused on something else.

“Fine,” Catra says, getting back into stance, “You can stay here but no talking, got it?”

The kitten nods and looks up at the sky, watching clouds go by.

Catra gets through a few minutes of the routine before she’s interrupted again.

“How come I haven’t seen you around before?”

Catra pauses to look at the kitten sitting with her legs crossed, her head tilted slightly as she watches Catra go through the movements.

“I thought I told you to be quiet.”

The kitten just keeps giving her that curious look.

“I was taken when I was younger,” Catra answers, going back to her routine.

“By who?”

“The Horde.” Catra continues on autopilot as she answers.

“My parents told me the Horde is bad.”

“That’s probably true.”

“Does that mean you’re bad?”

Catra stops and looks at the kitten, and she doesn’t know how to answer.

She’s definitely done a lot of bad things. She spent months fighting her best friend just because she felt abandoned. She blew up Princess Prom and took Glimmer and Bow prisoner. She left Adora to fall into the simulation in the First Ones temple. She attacked Bright Moon and almost destroyed its runestone. She infected She-Ra’s sword just to watch Adora turn on her friends.

And that’s just to name a few.

“I don’t really know,” Catra answers, stopping her routine and sitting down across from the kitten.

“How can you not know if you’re bad?”

“Because good and bad isn’t black and white,” Catra explains, “There’s a gray area.”

“What’s the gray area?”

“I don’t really know how to explain it.”

The kitten’s nose scrunches up, and Catra thinks that the scrunched nose paired with the head tilt is actually kind of cute.

Before the kitten can answer, Catra hears footsteps coming over to them. She turns around to see the older Magicat teacher looking upset.

“Cassandra,” he says angrily, “You know you’re not supposed to leave lessons.”

“Sorry, Master Leon,” the kitten, Cassandra, doesn’t look the least bit guilty, “I was just bored.”

Catra snorts, and Leon sends her a glare.

“Come on,” Leon orders, and Cassandra gets up, waving at Catra as she follows the master back to the class.

Catra smiles and waves back before getting up and going through her routine again.

~*~

Felix sets down a new book beside Catra before sitting down, and without thinking, without even looking up from the picture she’s drawing, Catra responds, “Thanks, Dad.”

She takes a few more seconds to add on some shading before she turns her attention to the book.

When she looks up, Felix is looking at her with wide, surprised eyes.

“What?”

“You just called me Dad.”

“Oh, um,” Catra twists the pencil between her fingers, “Sorry. It just kind of came out, I guess.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Felix is quick to say, “I shouldn’t have pointed it out.”

They fall back into their usual routine of silence while they read, and the silence is only a little awkward. Catra tries to focus on the play Felix grabbed for her, but she can only think about her slip.

Or, was it even a slip?

She thinks about whether she sees Felix as her father. They have definitely grown closer since she arrived on Beast Island, and she feels more comfortable around him than she does anyone else, even C’yra. She enjoys the days she spends in the library sitting next to him, and she appreciates that he seems to understand when she wants to talk and when she just wants to share his presence.

“It wasn’t a mistake,” Catra says suddenly, startling Felix.

“Catra, it’s fine if it was. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“It wasn’t, though,” Catra admits, “I do see you as my father.”

Felix smiles, and he hesitates for a moment before pulling her into a hug, and Catra melts into it without a fight. She feels safe and warm and protected, and she snuggles into him a bit before she even realizes she does it.

They don’t mention it after that, but Catra gets more comfortable with calling him Dad whenever they’re by themselves in the library, and each time she does, she notices Felix’s eyes light up.

~*~

_“This was a test, and you failed.”_

_Hordak’s red eyes watch her struggle for breath until there’s no air left and Catra collapses._

Catra wakes with a start, her fingers tightening into her blanket. Her heart is racing, and her breaths are fast and short.

This dream, the one where Hordak’s red eyes are the last thing she sees, has been haunting her for a week, and she’s starting to lose sleep because of it.

She sits up in bed and pulls her knees against her chest.

She gets control of her breathing fairly quickly, and with that her heart rate steadies, so she should be able to fall asleep now, but she’s afraid to sleep.

The second she gets comfortable, the second she falls asleep, that same nightmare will break into whatever dream she’s having and take it over.

She almost wishes Adora were here. Whenever she had a nightmare in the Fright Zone, all she had to do was climb down into Adora’s bunk. Adora would only wake up long enough to give Catra a sleepy smile, and Catra would fall asleep at her feet, the nightmares warded off.

At one point, when the nightmares were really bad, she ended up in Adora’s bunk every night, and after that point, sharing Adora’s bunk just became their norm.

There’s no Adora here to curl up with, though, so Catra figures the next best thing is staying up, and to do that, she needs something to hold her attention.

She spares a glance to the book one her bedside table, but she’s almost finished with it, and she was hoping to save it for the next day to read up in the trees with some fruit for breakfast.

That doesn’t leave much else for her to do, so she gets up and gets changed, figuring she could just go and look at the sky for a bit.

She finds C’yra already at her favorite spot, lying out and watching the moons.

Catra doesn’t get the chance to say her sarcastic comment before C’yra, without even looking from the sky, asks, “Do you ever sleep, kitten?”

“Do you?” Catra retorts, pulling herself up to the same branch.

“Fair point.” C’yra sits up with her back against the trunk, and Catra sits facing her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Really?” C’yra gives her a look, and Catra feels a bit like a child caught in a lie, “Last time I found you up here at night, you were coiled so tight I’m surprised you didn’t burst when I found you.”

“Well, you were here first, so why aren’t you asleep?”

C’yra looks away. “Felix snores, and I’m a really light sleeper.”

“That’s a really pitiful lie.”

“So was your, ‘I’m fine.’”

The two refuse to let the other back down, and C’yra is the first to break.

“Fine, I’ll tell you if you tell me.”

Catra snorts, “No promises.”

C’yra breathes out a laugh and rolls her eyes, “We could mutually share.”

Catra mirrors C’yra’s eye roll, “Or you could just tell me why you’re moping amongst the trees.”

C’yra gives Catra a fond look, and Catra doesn’t really understand what she’s done to deserve it. She doesn’t get a chance to ask before C’yra looks back up to the clear night sky and says, “Today is the anniversary of the battle.”

Catra doesn’t need to ask what battle. Over the few months she’s been with the Magicats, she’s read about a hundred battles, but there’s only one that sent the Magicats away to live on a secluded island with most of their children taken by their enemy.

“I’m just reminded of how I failed my people,” C’yra continues, “I lost so many people in that battle. Felix lost his sister and brother-in-law, and I almost lost him.” C’yra pauses and looks down at Catra with guilt swimming in her eyes. “We lost you, and after all that, I had to take my people from our land and bring them here just to keep them safe.”

“It was the right thing to do,” Catra says quietly, “It kept the Magicats alive.”

“We lost Half Moon. Was it really worth it?”

Catra looks across from her and sees something she never expected to see. C’yra looks vulnerable talking about the lost battle, like all the strength and determination that seems to fill her day after day has completely drained away.

“What was it like?” Catra asks, “Half Moon, I mean.”

C’yra smiles, “It’s beautiful there. The castle is surrounded by gardens with more flowers than you can even imagine, and even I can admit the library is impressive. It’s triple the size of what we were able to bring with us here.” C’yra’s smile gets a little nostalgic. “I always hated the throne room, but it’s where you took your first steps, actually. Felix brought you in after I had to meet with the public, and he set you down for just a second, and you pulled yourself up and walked over to me on shaky legs.” C’yra laughs a bit, and she brushes away tears starting to pool in her eyes. “We decorated your room with all of these warriors of myth, and every night, I would hold you, and Felix would tell you a new story until you fell asleep in my arms.”

Catra wishes she could remember those moments. She wishes she had any memories that weren’t from the Fright Zone. She can almost see Felix telling the stories, just like he does now whenever Catra needs a break from reading, and she can imagine C’yra teaching her how to fight, jokingly telling Felix that, _“It’s better to start them off young.”_

She can almost imagine growing up with an actual family who loves her instead of Shadow Weaver as a poor excuse for a mom.

“I wish I could remember it.”

“Oh, kitten,” C’yra brushes away another tear before reaching out to Catra, “I wish you could remember it too.” 

C’yra runs her fingers through the fur right under Catra’s ear, and it’s meant to be comforting, it really should be, but Catra freezes, and all she can see is Shadow Weaver, all she can hear is, _“She’s earned his trust. How did you let this happen?”_

Catra pulls away from the touch. “Let me go.”

“Catra—”

“What do you want from me?” Catra asks, her body moving into a more defensive position.

“Nothing, Catra, I—”

C’yra reaches out for her again, and Catra hits her away, her claws catching C’yra’s skin and drawing blood.

Catra doesn’t wait for C’yra to say anything. She doesn’t wait for C’yra to get mad or throw her somewhere dark and all on her own. She runs, far away from her favorite place at the top of the trees, and she keeps running until she finds that same pond she found when she found out she was the princess.

She drops down into the dewy grass and forces her hands over her ears, trying desperately to block out Shadow Weaver’s voice.

_“You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me.”_

“Shut up!” Catra yells.

_“I’ve kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you.”_

Catra screams, and her hands fall from her ears and start tearing into the grass, desperate for some way to let out the tension.

_“Ah, but you are like me.”_

“I am not!” Each word is punctuated by Catra ripping into the grass and earth, her eyes shut tight. She can feel tears coursing down her face, and she can still feel Shadow Weaver’s touch, so kind for once.

Only to manipulate her.

She continues to tear into the ground until she feels her muscles protesting. She slumps a bit, her body tired, but Shadow Weaver’s voice is only an ignorable whisper now.

She lays down, the cool dew seeping into her shirt and sending a chill up her spine. She ignores it and looks up at the sky, the deep midnight blue starting to pale in the morning light. She wonders how long she’ll be left alone, and whether it’ll be C’yra and Felix or warriors who come looking for her.

She drifts off by the pond, and she only wakes up when she hears footsteps in the trees and a breathed out, “Oh thank the gods.”

Catra sits up as C’yra comes out from the tree line, and Catra immediately scoots away from her, expecting the worse.

“Please, don’t hurt me,” Catra begs, knowing it probably won’t do any good, “It was just a mistake.”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” C’yra says, stopping where she stands, “I know it was an accident, and I’m not mad.”

“You’re not going to punish me?”

“No, Catra. Of course not.”

Catra lets her guard down slightly, because C’yra looks like she means it.

Then again, Shadow Weaver seemed really heartfelt when she manipulated Catra to get out of her cell.

“How do I know you won’t?” Catra means for it to come out harsh and threatening, but it just comes out soft and scared.

“Because, Catra, that’s not how we do things here, and this isn’t the Fright Zone.” C’yra holds eye contact with Catra, and Catra starts to believe, even just a little bit, that C’yra is telling the truth.

“Okay,” Catra breaths out.

“Alright.” C’yra looks relieved, and Catra wonders how long she’s been looking for her. “Is it okay if I sit here for a bit?” 

Catra nods, and C’yra slumps into the grass.

“Was it when I touched your hair?” C’yra asks.

Catra nods again.

“I won’t do it again, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” C’yra repeats.

Catra feels C’yra watching her, and she wonders what C’yra is thinking. _She probably thinks I’m a freak,_ Catra thinks, _Or that I’m broken, which I am._

Her thoughts devolve into self-hatred, and Catra finds it hard to fight off the angry tears threatening to spill over, because she’s so stupid, so weak, so naive.

“Hey,” C’yra is closer now, and Catra doesn’t fight off the hug C’yra pulls her into, “It’s okay, kitten. It was my fault. I should’ve asked before touching you.”

Catra melts into the hug, sobs wracking her entire body, and she chokes out, “I’m so sorry,” over and over again into C’yra’s shoulder. 

C’yra lets Catra take whatever comfort she needs, her fingers staying out of Catra’s hair, and she whispers, “It’s okay, love. You have nothing to be sorry for,” enough times that Catra maybe starts to believe it.

Catra falls asleep again in the warmth and safety of C’yra’s arms, and she’s so exhausted that she doesn’t wake up at all when C’yra carries her back to the village, or when Felix finds them and helps them to Catra’s room. She does wake up just enough to grab C’yra’s wrist and pitifully ask her to stay, and she wakes up later to C’yra giving her an exhausted smile as she runs her hand over Catra’s back.

“Go back to sleep, kitten,” she whispers, “You must be so tired.”

So, Catra does without protest, feeling really safe for the first time in a long time.

~*~

“It seems the Rebellion has learned how to discreetly get letters to Beast Island,” C’yra says, dropping some letter in front of Catra that just narrowly miss her bowl of stew, and she gives Catra plenty of room when she sits down next to her.

After the incident a few nights ago, they’re essentially back to normal, but Catra can tell that C’yra is a bit more hesitant around her, a bit less willing to touch her without Catra’s explicit consent.

Catra finds herself missing the easy exchanges, though.

Instead of thinking about that, Catra picks up the letters.

Most of them are from Scorpia, and Catra smiles.

She opens the first one.

_“Dear Wildcat,”_ it reads, _“I’ve missed you so much since we had to leave Beast Island, but life with the Rebellion isn’t too bad! I’ve been helping more and more on missions, and I think the other princesses are really starting to like me!”_

The rest of the letter relays her new adventures with the Best Friend Squad, and even some with Sea Hawk on his boat, and Catra breaths out a laugh at a particularly funny story about Sea Hawk setting his boat on fire ( _“Something that is apparently common,”_ Scorpia writes).

The letter ends with, _“Be sure to tell your parents hi for me (and if anyone sees this, I’m definitely_ not _talking about C’yra and Felix. Catra is most definitely_ not _a princess. Love, your bestie.”_

Scorpia’s letters are all like that, talking about all the new things she’s doing, and even telling Catra that Entrapta decided to switch sides again.

It’s almost refreshing to hear about something that isn’t about life with the Magicats on Beast Island, and Catra finds herself really missing her friends. She misses Scorpia’s forced love and vehement assurance that she is, indeed, Catra’s bestie. Catra even misses listening to Entrapta talk about her inventions that Catra will never understand, but listening always made Entrapta happy, so Catra listened.

There’s one last letter at the bottom, and Catra knows that handwriting without even reading who it’s from.

_“Hey, Catra,”_ Adora writes, and Catra can almost her Adora’s voice beside her, _“I’ve never really written a letter before, but Glimmer told me that I might as well since she’s getting tired of listening to me talk about ~~how much I miss you~~ being on Beast Island.”_ Catra smiles at the bit that’s crossed out.

Adora’s letter is far more formal, and Catra wants to roll her eyes. Only Adora would take the time to write a letter and tell her about boring things like regular patrols and strategy meetings. It’s so very Adora, though, and Catra finds herself tracing Adora’s boxy, no-nonsense script.

_“P.S.~I hope finding yourself is going well. The Princess Alliance is waiting for it’s sarcastic cat girl whenever she’s ready.”_

“So,” C’yra draws out, “How are your not-friends?”

“Scorpia says hi.”

“Are all those letters from her?” C’yra asks in disbelief, “There’s are ten letters there.”

“Most of them.” Catra looks up and laughs at C’yra’s shocked face, “Scorpia is a woman of many words.”

“What could she possible talk about for that many letters?”

“Her new adventures, mostly,” Catra cards through the letters, “A few talked about how she missed me. She wrote one about how our friend Entrapta finally defected from the Horde too.”

C’yra takes a second just to look at Catra, and Catra feels like she’s reading her like a book. She figures that’s what C'yra is doing when she asks, “Was the last letter from Adora?”

Catra goes red, “Yeah, so what?”

“Nothing, nothing,” C’yra puts her hands up in surrender, “It just seems like there’s something between you two that doesn’t exist with the others.”

“Well, yeah,” Catra stops and holds Adora’s letter, “We grew up together.”

“Really?”

“Yeah," Catrs traces Adora's _"Your friend, Adora,"_ on the letter, "I don’t even remember who put us together or when, but Adora is the only person that was just always there."

C’yra hesitates before saying, “She’s She-Ra.”

“She is.”

“Why didn’t you go when she defected?”

_“It doesn’t matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.”_

“It’s dumb.”

“I doubt that.”

_“I promise.”_

Catra sighs, “She broke her promise, and I was so angry, I thought staying in the Horde was better than facing anything I was feeling. And without Adora there, I could finally be the best. In the Rebellion, I just would’ve stayed in her shadow.”

She expects C’yra to reprimand her, or tell her that her decision was wrong, but C’yra just bumps Catra’s shoulder with her own and says, “The old Magicat Goddess of Wisdom said that even though our fates may change with each decision, there is some greater reason behind the things we choose.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that every decision you’ve made, every mistake and success, has brought you right here to this point.”

“Right where I need to be.”

C’yra smiles, a sight that Catra is starting to see more and more. “Exactly. Now,” C’yra starts to nudge Catra gently, “I believe Felix promised you a new book on Queen Katriska’s reign. Be sure to grab something for him from Pisica since my husband can’t take care of himself when he’s absorbed in a dusty old book.”

Catra bats off the nudging with an, “Okay, okay!” She looks at C’yra one last time before smiling a rare, genuine smile and saying, “Thanks, Mom.”

She’s pretty sure she sees tears welling up in C’yra’s eyes as she starts ushering her off with a teasing, “Don’t leave your father waiting, kitten.”

~*~

Felix is fussing over Catra, rechecking her pack for what feels like the millionth time. “Are you sure you have everything?”

“Yes, Dad,” Catra shares a look with C’yra, and they both roll their eyes, “Not only have I checked it, Mom has also checked it, and I’m pretty sure this is the fifth time you’re checking it.”

He looks between his daughter and wife and sighs, “I just want to make sure you have everything you need.”

“And then check it again,” C’yra jokes.

“And again,” Catra adds on.

“And again,” C’yra ends with a smirk.

“I’m not sure I appreciate you two teaming up against me,” Felix says, but he’s smiling despite his words.

After about six months on Beast Island, Catra sent a letter to Adora telling her that she was finally ready to come join the Rebellion. 

The response came back almost immediately. Adora assured her that she was getting a boat ready to come pick her up.

They should be coming over the horizon any second.

A few other Magicats stand around the little family to see Catra off.

“Just tell me when the Rebellion needs us,” Alonzo says, puffing his chest out in a way Catra’s sure he thinks makes him look intimidating, “Just say the word.”

“Yeah, okay, loser,” Catra laughs, “Maybe practice those new moves I taught you in the meantime. If you don’t have them perfect by the time I need you, you’re not coming.”

Alonzo gives her a fake salute, and Catra punches him on the shoulder.

Cassandra’s next, and she puts some flowers in Catra’s paw. “They’re for She-Ra,” Cassandra explains when Catra gives her a look, “I hear she’s supposed to be a bit deal or something.”

Catra snorts. “Thanks, kit. While I’m gone, please stop escaping Master Leon’s class.”

Cassandra leans into her and whispers, “But they’re boring.”

“I know,” Catra whispers back, “But if you keep leaving, and he finds out I helped, he’s going to kill me.”

“No, he’s not,” Cassandra says easily, “You’re the princess. That would be very dumb.”

Catra laughs. “Behave, brat.”

Cassandra shrugs with a smirk before going back over to her parents.

Pisica gives her a snack for the road with a wink and a, “You’re the only one who truly appreciates my empanadas,” and Felicity hands her a book about the lineage of She-Ra. “For the girl you keep assuring me you aren’t interested in even though you blush anytime someone brings her up,” Felicity says with a smirk.

A boat appears on the horizon as Catra goes back to her parents, and she can see the question in Felix’s eyes before he even asks it.

“ _Yes_ , Dad,” Catra says, “I have everything I need.”

He smiles, “I’m going to miss sharing my table in the library.”

“I’m going to miss having the extra hand with all my work,” C’yra snarks, but when Catra looks at her, she sees a genuine smile of C’yra’s lips.

“I’m going to miss you guys too.”

Felix hugs her first, long and hard, and Catra sinks into it, not really knowing when she’ll have this again. Felix’s hugs feel safe and warm, and Catra’s going to miss that comfort back in Bright Moon.

C’yra hugs her next, and even though the hug isn’t as tight as Felix’s, C’yra presses a kiss against Catra’s forehead as she pulls away and ruffles Catra’s hair a bit.

“Give ‘em hell, kitten.”

“You know I will.”

The boat docks, and the first thing Catra sees before she’s pulled into a strong, crushing embrace is a flash of red claws.

“Wildcat! I’ve missed you so much!” Scorpia swings her a bit, and Catra just lets her, “Writing letters just isn’t the same as seeing your face every day. Oh, there’s so much to tell you!”

Before Scorpia can get into her long, winding tale of updates, Catra says, “Hey, Scorpia, can it wait until we’re actually on the boat?”

“Oh, of course!” Scorpia drops her, and Catra lands gracefully on her feet, already stretching out her limbs from being crushed.

Adora’s waiting right behind Scorpia, her fingers awkwardly twisting and a small, shy smile on her lips.

“Hey Adora,” Catra says easily.

“Hey, Catra.” Adora pulls her into a hug, and Catra closes her eyes and snuggles against Adora’s cheek. “You look different.”

“A good different, I hope,” Catra teases.

“Definitely,” Adora says softly, “You look happy.”

_I am happy,_ Catra thinks right as she lets out a soft purr and nuzzles even more, _I never thought I could be this happy._

“Come on,” Adora pulls away from the hug, “I told Queen Angella we’d be back in Bright Moon by sundown.”

“We better get going then.”

Catra lets Adora and Scorpia head to the ship in front of her, and she turns around to look at the small group gathered to see her off.

The Magicats she’s really come to care about.

A place she can finally call home.

Her parents looking at her like they’ve never been prouder of her.

She’s sad to leave, and she knows joining the Rebellion won’t be easy. A lot of people will only see her as Hordak’s second-in-command. She’ll have to prove herself over and over to everyone who doubts her, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Because she’s going to take down Hordak and take Half Moon back for her people.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, there it is! Catra is on her way to the Rebellion, and she's gonna take back Half Moon, bitch.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed it. Last time I said I might do more, and truly, what a foolish thought, because I knew I was doing more. I will probably right more in this universe (does it count as a universe when I'm hoping this is sort of canon?). Feel free to send me any prompts you'd like to see me write (if you have any), either in the comments below or on Tumblr at hellofromthe-otter-slide.
> 
> Until next fic!


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